Where did it all go wrong?

Everyone has problems. What gives me the right to think that my problems are greater than anyone else’s? Or to allow people to think that they are?

I am forever being reminded that everyone has problems and that I have to remember that and be grateful about how lucky I am. I am lucky, I know that, but does that mean I can’t talk about the problems I’m having because people have enough of their own to deal with? I guess it does, it fits with everything I’ve ever been told or experienced.

I’ve been starting to wonder, where did it all go wrong? There has been nothing particularly bad happen in my life, at least nothing that wasn’t deserved, and nothing that doesn’t happen to a lot of other people. I don’t have the right to hold a grudge about being bullied at school; I mean how many people have been bullied? Yet somehow the majority seem to get over it no problem, why am I still affected by it.

There has been nothing gone wrong in my life to explain why things have got as bad as they have, and I find myself constantly asking myself why I feel so bad. Sometimes I find myself wanting something bad to happen so that maybe I would have a reason for feeling like I do.

My parents love me and our relationship is getting better all the time. They have allowed me to do so much and helped me to do almost anything that I wanted to do in my childhood. They told me I could do anything that I wanted to when I got older. It was a lie, the one thing I wanted to do I will never achieve. I know that I have achieved more in my life so far than they have in their own lives, but yet I still feel unfulfilled and like a total failure. Why am I so ungrateful? I feel like a total waste of time and space, they have never told me they are proud of me, maybe I am. I feel like I have achieved everything that I am ever going to achieve and that I have no purpose anymore. I want to help people but yet the thought of working with people all day everyday is terrifying me right now. I am an awful student, not meeting any deadlines anymore. I just feel a bit pathetic. Nothing in my life feels right at the moment.